Do you ever have those moments where you have to stop and sort of evaluate you’re life?
Yeah, I just had one……….
I was out shopping right after paying my big scary bills of the month (mortgage, HOA, ruby shopping, etc.) and I was pinching pennies until they were straight up BLEEDING as I bought the cheapest everything I could find. ALL the generic brands of ALL the things! The cheapest bread, toothpaste and toilet paper that can be legally sold this side of the FDA approval rating. The cereal where the tiger is disfigured and misshapen so as to avoid a lawsuit from that other tiger that is GGGGRRRRRREEEEEEAAAAAAATTTTTTT!
And my mom said, “Get some orange juice because you’re sick,” and I had to explain to her that things like Orange Juice and soda and… heat… were a luxury in my house.
Because I hate spending money so I’m super cheap when I shop. Because… you know… responsibilities!
And then I didn’t even hesitate for a second when I saw THIS!!!:
Because that is where my life is at. Bread and milk are luxuries and I will do without them, but A DAMN UNICORN WIG??? 100% essential to my daily life!
Mom: “Are you serious?”
Tracy: “I don’t even know what you’re referring to.”
Mom: “You just said Orange Juice was a luxury, but you’re buying this?”
Tracy: “But I NEEEEEED this!”
Mom: (probably questioning where it all went so wrong with this child, because the other 2 children have retirement accounts, and this one has a magical unicorn horn) “Why?”
Tracy: “For emergencies, obviously.”
Mom: “I… I just…”
Tracy: (already throwing it in the cart) “And for Tuesdays. Plus I’ll put it on the blog, which I think makes it a tax deduction. Which essentially means that the government is paying for it! So it’s like I’m not spending any money at all. It’s a free Unicorn wig! It’s a Target MIRACLE!!! God bless us, every one.”
Mom: “And the orange juice?”
Tracy: “I’m not made of gold, mother. I can’t just be wasting money on things like that.”
Soooo, yeah. I’m pretty much batting 1000 at life right now!