Friends, something magical happened this weekend!
You know those moments in life where you see something and you just KNOW with every fiber of your being that your life will never be the same again?
Yeah, that happened to me!
On Saturday my mother and I were out yard-saling and I saw him from across the driveway…
I knew that I had to have him. I knew that he would dwell in my house from this day forth, making the world a little brighter simply by existing! Oh yeah, it was love at first sight.
Ignoring my mother’s arguments of “what could you possibly be thinking” and “that might be the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen”, I pushed forward, undaunted in my commitment to him. For he is special!
Now some of you may be saying, “Huh, I’m not exactly sure where a creepy velvet painting of a raccoon with the eyes of a demon is going to fit into your pink and glittery house”, but do not fret my friends, for Esteban and I have big plans!
Well, PLAN actually, in the singular… because there’s just one really. And that plan is that Esteban will hang secretly in the closets, cabinets, dark corners and crawl spaces of my home, waiting to scare the SH*T out of all of my guests! Yup, that’s right! My plan is to keep moving him around my home, hidden away in different and ever-changing places so that whenever somebody comes to visit me and they say “Can I get a drink of water?”, the second they open the cabinet door, he will be waiting for you!
He will be there, waiting for you eagerly, with that dead-eyed look that says “I want to taste your soul!”
You will open my coat closet and-BAM!-
Esteban will be there saying “Good luck ever sleeping again… because I will find you.”
You turn on the bathroom light and -WAPOW!-
Esteban is saying “Go ahead and sit down, and I probably won’t pop out of this frame and destroy you.”
You open the refrigerator and -KAKOW!-
Esteban is waiting there for you, whispering “I have a secret… and that secret is that I’m going to haunt your dreams!”
Esteban is there saying, “I want to hug you… with my teeth!”
Oh Estban, I love you so! My guests cannot wait to discover you lurking around the house, staring at them with those eyes that are not even staring in the same direction.
You truly are the gift that keeps on giving!
On a side note, you are all invited over… where nothing horrible will probably happen to you… possibly?