aaaaaaannndddd, welcome back. Tracy has gone out into the world again. Thank God that somebody was there to explain things to her!!!
Disclaimer: we all love my mother. She is all that is good and pure and beautiful in this world…but she also did this:
mom: “We got a new soap dispenser for the bathroom.”
Tracy: “It’s pretty.”
mom: “To work it you just press the pump top.”
Tracy: “um…did you just explain to me how to work a soap dispenser?”
mom: <realizing what she said> “Shoot, really I didn’t mean to.”
Tracy: “Did you truly think I wouldn’t know how to handle the situation?”
mom: “It was an accident.”
Tracy: “All these years I’ve just been throwing the dispensers at the wall to shatter them open, then rubbing my hands against the wall until they’re soapy.”
mom: “It was an accident. I take it back.”
Tracy: “Of course then my hands are usually bleeding from all of the shattered glass mixed in with the soap.”
mom: “Please stop talking.”
Tracy: “Now how do I cut the water on? Is there a trick to it?”
mom: <cutting the water on> “…don’t blog this”
for a rainy day 
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