Friends, from time to time (and by that I mean on a daily basis) people feel the need to explain things to me. Tiny, simple things that every human being already knows how to do. When it happens once you laugh it off. When it happens twice you wonder what people see that you don’t. When it happens thrice and beyond you write a blog about it.
And I do understand that I look like a moron. I’m not trying to be funny or self deprecating when I say that, I’m merely stating a fact. I look like the embodiment of every blonde joke you have ever been told. I can only assume that this perception is the reason that people explain things to me in such condensed, spark-noted terms as I go about my daily life. I have actually had someone in the passenger seat of my own vehicle say the words: “There is a stop sign up there so remember to stop”…that is an actual sentence that a human person spoke out loud at me because they didn’t think that I would understand how to handle the coming situation. And that person should be ashamed of themselves (looking at you mother).
And this happens ALL OF THE DAMN TIME!
Which brings us to this first installment of:
The Explaining Things to Tracy Colllection: Volume 1
Episode: THE HOLE PUNCHER
me: “um, we may need to order a new hole puncher. This one doesn’t work anymore.”
coworker: “No, you just have to clean out the little trap. You see, when you punch a hole those little bits of paper get stored in the hole puncher and you have to empty them so it doesn’t jam.”
me: “yeah, no, I understand how a hole puncher works, which is why I already did that. What I’m telling you now is that this is old and it sticks and it doesn’t work anymore.”
coworker: <opening puncher regardless of the fact that I just said I already cleaned it out> “Here, let me show you how to work it.”
(***places papers in puncher***papers get stuck***papers get shredded trying to free them***Smug smile from Tracy)
me: “So like I said, this hole puncher is broken and we need a new one”
This is a true story. The names and faces of the condescending have been changed to protect their innocence because I do not have a good attorney. Stay tuned for the next episode entitled “Tracy Learns To Use A Soap Dispenser”