The more I have to do, the more fascinating I find the absolutely insignificant details of life. Deep down in me there is this crazy defiant monster that wants to do exactly the opposite of what I have been told to do. When I was little and my mom told me to clean my room it would take HOURS because the second I stepped into that room with the mandate to clean all of my toys suddenly became so interesting that I couldn’t just NOT play with them. And to this day this rebellion runs deep. It springs up all the freaking time. It’s a sickness, and I have suffered with it for years.
So here is where that becomes a problem in my real grown-up life: people are always going to be telling you what to do. It never goes away. And when this happens I enter what I like to call THE SPIRAL OF PROCRASTINATION, and it goes something like this:
I have so much work to do.
Gah, I really don’t want to be working on this though.
What has my life become? Aren’t adults supposed to do whatever they want, whenever they want. Oh, that’s not the way life works? Well thanks for being so misleading sitcoms-where-people-sit-in-coffee-shops-all-the-time.
Can I sue those shows for false advertising and misrepresentation? I’ll ask Google.
Nope, Google says I don’t have an actual case there but it’s good to know that I CAN sue McDonalds if I get fat. I’ll just file that away as my retirement plan.
I should really be focusing.
Is it a little bit warm in here? Whew, it’s hard to focus in this heat.
If I get this work done quickly then I’ll still have the rest of the day to do whatever I want.
What should I do once I’m done working. Probably go see that new Tom Hardy movie.
Whew, Tom Hardy is good in everything.
I don’t know enough about Tom Hardy…
…I should probably learn EVERYTHING about Tom Hardy!
***2 hours later***
I most definitely want to have Tom Hardy’s babies.
Whew, okay back to work. Really have to focus this time.
What is that on the carpet? Is that a string? I should vacuum.
***30 minutes of vacuuming later***
Now it’s definitely hot in here. I’ll just open a window.
Huh, it smells like snow. But it’s way too early in the year for snow. Welp, better check the weather channel app. Yeah, they say no snow. Clear skies and sun for the next week.
FOCUS! Get back to work.
<<generic typing on project. hate everything I wrote. delete all the words.>>
I’m really thirsty. Better get some water.
(goes to fridge) I have no groceries! I better go to the store later. I should probably make out my list now before I forget.
Okay, zucchini and chicken and…this is stupid, I’m just going to get there and buy popcorn.
Okay, got my water now back to work.
Brrrrrr…now it’s too cold. Better change into a sweatshirt.
I bet it is going to snow. It’s been 30 minutes, I bet the weather report has changed completely. Yup, now they’re calling for flash floods and fire raining from the heavens. Hmmm, I’ll check again in 30 more minutes because I don’t really much care for this report and I would like a new one.
I wonder how the blog is doing? Hey, I WONDER IF I’M FAMOUS YET!?!?!
Nope…….still not famous. Damn it Google!
I wish someone who understands the interweb would post my stuff on Reddit.
You know, I don’t really like the paint color on the walls in here. I wonder if I could spruce this room up a little. Maybe I’ll just check something on Pinterest reeeeaaaalllly quick and…
***5 hours later***
Well, just planned a wedding.
Ooh, email alert from Netflix. I should really check because this could be important.
Thank you Netflix for letting me know that Django is now available. I do like that movie.
…well, I like Christoph Waltz in that movie.
…who am I kidding, I like Christoph Waltz in EVERY movie. You Austrian/German dreamboat!
Christoph Waltz was in Inglorious Basterds with Brad Pitt who was in Interview with a Vampire with Tom Cruise who was in A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon…wow, didn’t even need 6 whole degrees. Kevin Bacon, you wizard! (I legitimately play this game in my head ALL the time)
I should probably watch A Few Good Men again.
No, focus Combs! What is wrong with you?
Oh look, it’s midnight! I need to go to bed. But I absolutely have to have this done for the morning.
***20 minutes of actual work***
Project done! Good job Tracy, time well spent.
I wish I was exaggerating but I am absolutely not.