So my mom and I (and my sister until she moved to Oklahoma) go to the Mountains in Boone & Blowing Rock every year in October because we love touristy things and pretty-pretty leaves. This year was as spectacular as ever…except for the fact that everywhere I looked I saw the weirdest things. Don’t worry, I am lightning fast with a camera, so here you go:
1) The Spirit Animal: BEAVER Um, some things should never guide your life…like your beaver. The wisdom of the Beaver is a wily and deceptive sort of guidance. Beware of anything that your beaver says to you bc that wench is not always trustworthy.
If you aren’t laughing then you should probably be googling.
2) Alice in Wonderland…if Alice was horribly deformed and leering at you all creepy like as if she was holding a knife behind her back.
3) My mom parking right in front of the adamant NO PARKING sign, because she does what she wants! Peggy Lee doesn’t abide by your silly rules, government.
4) Boone is very health conscious…apparently? So long as it involves your boobs or glaucoma. They LOVE healing glaucoma!
5) My GPS says that Tweetsie Railroad is most definitely haunted.
6) Where the hell is the other hand?
7) Nobody likes their balls sneaky.
8) The part of Johnny Cash will be played by Michael Myers9) We stumbled across a VW convention on the Parkway and…
…one of those Volkswagons was a TRANSFORMER!!!
10) If I had this I would never stop leaving it in people’s beds so they would wake up and think they had crossed the mob
11) I’m pretty sure these are the twins from The Shining…and possibly the key to room #237? “Come and play with us…forever.” 12) Um, I’m pretty sure this is tantamount to white slavery
13) “I will eat your soul!!!!!”14) Censorship is a real and necessary thing, because sometimes Squirrels Go Wild
15) If you never got your letter from Hogwarts it’s because this guy was stuffed and mounted
16) My mom found this one, and I was so proud…this is the wonderful, sparkling woman who made me who I am today.
17) Speaking of my mom, when I asked her if she wanted to go to the WINE TO WATER store her exact response was: “It’s wine to WATER, What do I want with water? Hey, you think it’s a deceptive name for a church?” That’s my mother! So if you’ve ever wondered “Trace, what the hell is wrong with you”, now you get it.
18) This is 3rd base
19) In case you were curious, there IS a Pagan Student Association and apparently it consists of one guy who hand-drew this flyer. He’s throwing a Halloween party and he would like you to attend.
20) At dinner Saturday we were outside waiting to get called when a group of what I can only assume were 18 year old college freshmen came in wearing drag. But don’t get too excited, it was truly pathetic drag. The girls were wearing baseball jerseys and the guys were wearing wigs. But here’s the thing…18 year old guys still kind of look like girls bc they can’t grow body hair or facial hair…so they kind of already look like girls. Boone doesn’t know jack about drag! Come on, commit people. If you are a man wanting to dress up like a pretty pretty lady then lets get some leopard print hot pants and heels. And cover up your adam’s apple like a f**king lady! No picture included bc it was just so badly done that I didn’t want to waste the storage space on my phone.
21) I feel like Jesus mints shouldn’t be spicy. Isn’t spearmint holier than cinnamon? All in all it was a pretty great trip!