Races and running are the worst…
however, races where people throw chunks of colored cornstarch on your clean clothes, shoot freezing cold dyed water at you, and use a leaf blower to color bomb the after-race dance party are amazing.
That happened today.
It should be noted (incase you haven’t already picked up on the sedentary nature of this blog and the snark-tastic person behind it) that I hate running.
All of you happy-shiny people who are always talking about how great running is, you’re wrong. I did ballet for 10 years which equals sad, tired, crappy knees so running really hurts. On top of that…hmmm, how shall I phrase this?…running is not an activity for anyone with curves. All you people who talk about how good you feel when you run, here, why don’t you strap this watermelon to your chest, go take a lap and then come back and tell me what a delight it is. Go ahead, I dare you!
So today I walked a 5K, and it was awesome! But wait, who would sign up for a 5K and not run? This girl right here!
I woke up bright and early and did my pre-workout prep:
Than made my way out to the race with these fine ladies, pictured here with the “official mascot”, The Color Me Raddit/Rabbit
1) Seeing people peeing in the woods bc they didn’t want to walk to the porta-potties
2) Zumba and Dance party
3) Seeing a mother and teenage daughter get in a fight
4) Following that mother and daughter for the tense aftermath
5) Finding a lady at the end of the race who had a color on her shirt that I was missing, and proceeding to hug this stranger to steal her color
6) Driving home and pulling up beside cars while still covered in color, and watching the double takes and pointing. And pulling in to McDonalds to get a drink (bc I had inhaled so much pick powder) and having the woman at the window say “what the hell did you do?”
I say all this to announce that this blog will now be switching to an all health and exercise blog, where I am going to document my every meal and movement…totally kidding! I could never do that. I was bored just typing that sentence. Health blogs—I’m sure some people enjoy them, but I have no idea why.
So friends, let’s all celebrate this joyous con-atist way of getting people to exercise, because it was really legitimately fun! Next on the list: the electric foam run, coming to a city near you!