Sometimes I can’t sleep at night. 96% of the time when this occurs it’s because sometimes at night when my body crumbles into bed for sleep my brain gets all philosophical and wants to chat. The other 4% is because I drank sweet tea too late, so that one is on me.
Tonight is one of those nights where I did not bring this insomnia on myself, but that jerk is here anyways.
So what do I think about when I can’t sleep… Here, let me transcribe it to you as it is happening. These are the actual thoughts that went through my mind-hole while unable to sleep this evening.
I want to sleep
Please body, just go to sleep.
Tomorrow is going to be such a long day, you need to sleep all the way through the night.
Why does my dog (Willow) insist on sleeping so close to my face?
Did I remember to turn the stove off?
Yeah, it’s probably off.
No, is it really off?
It’s probably off, the smoke alarm would have gone off by now.
I’m not getting up to see if it’s off.
If the condo catches on fire I hope the firemen are cute.
This is Burlington, I bet the firemen won’t be cute.
The stove is probably off.
What was that noise?
It sounds like scratching.
I wonder if it’s a murderer?
It has to be a murderer, they’re the only ones who work this late.
Didn’t I see on the news that someone got killed no too far away.
It was probably in Durham.
I miss living in Durham.
I wonder if the killer outside scratching is a serial killer or a first timer?
If I’m going to get murdered I hope it’s at least by a serial killer bc then I’ll at least make the national news and probably have someone play me in the movie. Local first time killers never have movies made.
I wonder who would play me in the movie?
I hope it’s Jennifer Lawrence.
If it’s a serial killer I wonder what his type is?
I wonder if I’m his type? Not like for dating, but for general slaughtering?
Me and Ashley (the roommate) are very different types, I wonder which one of us he’s here for?
My room is closest to the door so either way it’ll probably be me.
Did I lock the front door?
I don’t think I locked the front door.
No I totally did…did I? Eh, probably.
If the door is open and he gets in I hope the stove is on and the fire stops him.
Silly Tracy, there is no serial killer. If anything there is probably just a raccoon out there scrathching.
Oh my goodness-there’s a raccoon loose in my house.
Raccoons kind of freak me out.
Are Willows shots still up to date?
I think rabies shots are good for 3 years.
Stop thinking about that. Think about something happy.
This was a really good weekend, I got a lot done.
I didn’t get everything done I wanted to do.
I’ll get it all done tomorrow.
No I won’t.
Hmmm, I bet I could blog about this sleeplessness.
No, nobody would ever read this long about the things I think about when I can’t sleep.
I bet they would read it if I added gifs.
I wonder what the best gif would be.
(Follow up, I found the best gif. Here you go: )
I only have 3 hours til I have to get ready for work.
How many sick days do I have?
No, I’d better go.
I wonder how I can get paid to do sleep studies professionally.
Did I go out to eat twice yesterday?
I should wake up early and go running.
I could just go now since I’m awake.
Oh, but my bed is so warm.
Plus isn’t running bad for your knees? I believe that’s what science told me.
Plus that raccoon is still out there.
I bet the raccoon has a hook for a hand. That’s probably what the scratching sound was.
Should I be recycling?
Al Gore wants me to recycle.
What is happening with the blanket? Why are they all twisted?
Why is it so hot?
Is my roommate cold blooded, is that why she cranks the heat to Middle East and walks around in a sweatshirt?
I feel like Satan is cuddling with me.
I don’t even need to run, I’ll just have a good sweat laying here.
I wonder if I can sneak out and turn on the AC, then turn it off before she wakes up.
Nah, that requires standing. I don’t stand between the hours of 10pm and 5am. Standard policy.
Oh I fell asleep for a second. Then shot awake at a sound. Damn raccoon.
Did I personally offend this raccoon? Is that why he’s hunting me?
I can’t get comfortable. Why are my arms so long? Blast limbs, you’re in the way.
I’m sorry arms, we can’t turn on each other now.
How did my dog work her way to the middle of the bed? I am the person here, why am I in the fetal position laying across the pillows?
I’ve had Superstitious by Stevie Wonder in my head all week.
Superstitious is a great song.
“…very superstitious, wash your face and hands…”
Did I wash my face?
Yeah, I did.
Is Stevie Wonder still alive?
I think he is. I really hope he is.
I would probably remember if he passed away.
Was he at Whitney’s funeral?
If he is still alive he isn’t making music anymore. I respect that though. Way to go out on top Stevie.
Always classy Stevie Wonder. I salute you. (Physically salutes ceiling)
You’re thinking too much, turn on the TV.
What should I watch?
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
Oh, I left off on the dumpster baby episode, one of the best.
I wonder what I would do if I ever found a dumpster baby.
That would help my adoption plan.
Whew, that makes me sad. Better change shows.
I love Nick Miller.
Holy crap, I’m almost the same age as them.
I have to get some sleep.
Finally dose off.
Alarm goes off.