Christmas is coming my friends!!! It’s that time of year where we all write our letters to Santa telling him what we want…you guys still do that right?
What am I asking Santa for? 3 things:
- World Peace
- A source of unending money
- An iPad so I can blog on the go, while out in my natural habitat with you fine people.
So feel free to go ahead and chip in and send an iPad my way.
So what do you guys want for Christmas? You don’t even have to tell me, because I already know. You want a Christmas story. Well gather around friends and I will tell you a story.
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the condo
Not a creature was stirring, not even the three dogs crammed in here.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would forget that we are adults and bring us lots of gifts that sparkle of are made by Apple.
The children were nestled all snug at somebody else’s house bc I sure don’t have any,
While visions of a 3 day work vacation danced in their heads.
And the roommate away, and I in my sweats,
Had just fallen asleep on the couch for a long winter’s nap.
When out in the parking lot there arose such a clatter,
I hobbled off the couch to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
And pulled the curtains back slowly incase something was going down.
The moon on the concrete because NC doesn’t get snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a sleigh falling quickly and 8 clumsy reindeer.
The reindeer looked pathetic, but corrected it quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
This group of deer was the second string,
The originals ate Indian food and were home suffering!
Santa looked flustered, though alive the same,
So he groaned and shouted, and called them by name.
“Now Sebastian! now, Bashful! now, Blinken and Bob!
On, Ajax! On, Thumper! on Ringo and Doc!
To the top of the condos! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Get it together! Dash away all!”
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The clumsy landing of each freaking hoof.
As I reached for my taser and climbed out of bed,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, like a pimp or a king,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and things.
A bundle of presents he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a home invader, with a kidnapping sack.
His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
He was winded and tired, overweight and in need of Pilates.
He was tired but smiling, Bright and Merry,
And the beard of his chin was butch, like Chuck Norris hairy.
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
Which was unsettling, get a nicotine patch at least.
His boots were dirty and covered in soot,
My Type A roommate will not be happy, he’d better leave her a Porsche!
He stopped when he saw me, then sagged with relief,
The last 2 houses were much much more threatening.
Macaulay Culkin had been armed for the occasion,
And Mrs. Robinson was feeling frisky again.
He ate all the cookies, which I made so they’re delish,
And with a silver flash from his pocket he made the milk Irish.
His nerves now steadied he unloaded gifts in droves,
And giving the nod, up the chimney he rose!
The sleigh was all ready, Buddy the Elf came to fix it,
And away they all flew with a smile, because smiling’s his favorite.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”
So there you go my friends!!! A little pre-Christmas story to get you all Merry and Bright!!! If you’re thinking that you want to send this out as your Christmas card you are on the right track!!!
Merry Christmas friends!!!!