True story. Technology and I have a sad, tear-stained past together. She and I have been in combat since I was just a wee, starry eyed child, fascinated by this magic:
But technology, she is a jerk.
It all started with a family computer. Back in the days of yore families only had one computer: it was massive and it always sat prominently in the middle of the house because parents were certain that any child who dabbled with the dangerous internet was going to be abducted. So I, living the glamorous life of a 90’s child, was on the mysterious new inter-web and life was spectacular…until one day it just stopped. By “it” I am referring to our extremely expensive computer, and by “stop” I mean it just imploded.
That was the beginning.
About a year later we had another massive, beautiful computer prominently stationed in the living room and I was finally allowed to use it (after my understandably fearful parents decided that I could be trusted after the previous technological massacre). A few glorious months passed where I was allowed to use the internet (between phone calls of course…you 90’s kids understand that, and anyone who doesn’t understand, well, you grew up in the wrong generation). Everything was happy and shiny again until my curse reared its ugly head…that’s when the second computer met it’s demise at my hands. 2 down. This was when our families endearing “Tracy broke the computer” mantra emerged.
To make a long story short (not really, I’m just getting started) there were 5 more computers that followed in the wake of their fallen comrades…seriously, I “broke” 5 more computers just by touching them. It seemed that my powers were growing stronger. The casualties became varied too, including several remotes, a radio, cordless phone (what up 90’s kids) and on a very terrifying day an oven actually burst into flame when I was reaching inside to get my bagel bites (90’s kids again! We really were the chosen generation). Let me say that once again: an oven actually BURST INTO FLAME when I was using it! That was when I knew that my mysterious power was ruining lives and producing potential natural disasters.
The pinnacle of technological devastation was during my Sophomore year in college, smack in the middle of dreaded finals week. While writing multiple papers my laptop became possessed by a demon from the bowels of hell and I lost EVERYTHING! Of course, I handled the setback with the grace and maturity of an adult. It looked something like this…
Why does technology hate me? Who knows? What I do know, however, is that my series of unfortunate events left me with a fear of technology, and I am now like an old lady. I am constantly a year or two behind on everything: case in point, I just started a blog. I used face time last week for the first time. I have never used Skype.
But I found a solution… (cue the hallelujah chorus)
Thank you Apple, for making a computer that can survive me! Bless my beautiful, shiny macbook that took me almost 6 months to pay off! Bless you Genius Bar who can fix everything; bless those little hipsters in the blue shirts who work their magic and explain things to me like I actually have the capacity to grasp technological terms.
Mac, you beautiful, idiot proof technology!