You know how social media is now 72% just inspirational quotes written over top of vague, artsy backdrops?
Well, today one of those dropped in to my lap…
My dream the last two nights has been that somebody has framed me for a murder. Now, I don’t know which one of you it is who is about to set me up, but let me just say THINK AGAIN JERKFACE!
Reasons I would be the wrong person to frame for whatever hypothetical crime you are possibly about to commit:
- I will not go down easy. I am a scrappy fighter and that arrest is going to be ugly.
- I am naming all kinds of names. Even if it’s not related to the crime you are possibly about to commit and pin on me, I am calling you out:
Me: “Yes, when we were eleven years old I saw him steal a pack of gum”
Officer: “Okay, and does that have some bearing on this case?”
Me: “I’m just putting it out there and telling you that this person is shady and should be considered a person of interest”
3. I have the giant eyes of a Japanese anime panda. Who would convict me?
Now some of you are probably saying, “Tracy, nobody is setting you up for a crime so try to calm down and stop posting irrational things on the internet.” And sure, these dreams could possibly be because I keep falling asleep watching hours of Sherlock.
And sure, they could be because I am sustained mostly on a diet of spicy tacos before bedtime. But still, you can’t refute this kind of evidence:
And I think we all know that if it’s on the internet than it has to be true and verified.
So to you, whoever you may be who is about to try to make me take the fall, be warned that I have watched too many hours of Bones and Law and Order: SVU and Sherlock and Broadchurch and Orange is the New Black and Doctor Who and Murder She Wrote to go down for this, so plan accordingly.