Well I have finally done it. I have finally sweat-pantsed and t-shirted my way into lowered expectations. The job has been done and it has been done thoroughly.
Something happened at work that I wasn’t expecting. Now at my place of business I approach my attire with the same “how can I get by with the least amount of effort and max amount of comfort” approach that I employ in ALL areas of my life. I like to call this style “homeless chic”, or if I’m feeling particularly swanky, “bag-lady couture”.
But on this day I wore a skirt… mostly because I had just bought a new skirt from Lularoe and it is crazy soft and comfy, and feels like wearing a puppy wrapped in a rainbow of happiness. I wore said skirt to my office with all the other business professionals and people FLIPPED THE F*#K OUT!
Yes, this is truth! People did not know what to make of this situation. Pandemonium ensued! It would have been less startling to the balanced order of the office if I had released a herd of wild mongoose into the environment. It was as if this was the first sign of the coming end of days and my coworkers were bracing for plagues of locust and fire from the heavens.
For you see, apparently I have set the bar so low that when I wear garments that cannot also double as hiking or napping gear the general public does not know how to handle it.
It played a little something like this:
Random co-worker who we will just call JOSH GREENWOOD: “Why are you so dressed up?”
Me: “What do you mean? I’m just wearing a skirt?”
unspecified Josh (could be any Josh…Greenwood): “No, but you look… nice? Is there like an important meeting going on?
Me: “I think you’re overreacting a smidge.”
Josh: “Are we being audited?”
And then the wild company-wide speculating began! Do we have visitors coming today? Did Tracy get in trouble for trying to pass off yoga pants as regular pants last Friday, which totally weren’t fooling anybody by the way? Did your supervisor finally realize that all of your undershirts say New Balance? Do you have a date or something? Are you trying to entrap a man with your female trickery and wiles? What is the meaning of this skirt? My brain cannot process why you don’t look like you’ve been hanging out under a bridge!!!!!!!
Skirts should come with a warning label to alert people to these coming questions. I was unprepared and I blame improper warning tags for that. Yup, I’m taking zero responsibility for it.
But I can tell you one thing for certain… I am going back to my cotton-waist-banded, never-has-to-be-ironed, semi-pajamad, yes-there’s-a-hole-but-you-can-only-see-it-if-I-raise-my-arm, low-maintenance lifestyle.