Sometimes things happen and my brain says “Tracy, just let it go. You are going to make things worse. Not everyone thinks the weird things that amuse you are funny.” And then sometimes I tell my brain to suck it and I do what I want to do without its permission.

This is one of those times.

I got an email from this church (name omitted) that I went to ONCE several years ago. They email me a lot asking me to volunteer to park cars and watch kids and things, which is weird because I don’t go to this church and for all they know I could be a psychopath and they want me to babysit?

But this latest email was a little different and I finally had to respond. Below please find my actual letter to Pastor Dave:

Pastor Dave-
So I visited your church once a few years ago and I guess I filled out an info card because you guys have been contacting me VERY faithfully ever since. But that’s cool because I love mail; it makes me feel special when I open my email folder and see it filled with messages, so thank you for that.
But here is where things get weird. This last email was addressed to me and someone named Randall.

Who is Randall? I am super curious! I’m actually single (or at least I thought I was…). I don’t actually think I know any Randalls. I mean, there was one who went to high school with me, but that’s been quite a few years ago and I don’t think we’re there yet.
Is this a new service that you guys are providing? Am I being arranged marriaged? Or sister-wived? Where did Randall come from? If he and I are in a relationship that has already reached the joint email stage than I have been woefully neglecting him. Randall must be heartbroken at my aloofness seeing as I have never spoken to him. Would one of you please check on Randall, I’m worried about him.
If you’re reading this I hope you have a sense of humor. Your email made me laugh. Randall and I will be telling this story for years…once we actually meet.
Happy Monday

Sincerely,
Tracy

…unsurprisingly there has been no response from Pastor Dave. Poor Randall.

19 Dec This entry was published on December 19, 2014 at 12:39 am. It’s filed under Uncategorized and tagged arranged marriage, email, Pastor Dave, spam. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.