Well hello to you terrible morning.
I have to be honest, I feel a little betrayed by you today Winter. All this time I have loved you faithfully and loved every second of this extreme winter weather. But this morning you turned on me winter…you bastard.
This is a fair, not at all over-dramatized, representation of my morning:
While all of you lucky school/work cancelation people and or the unemployed were nestled snug in your beds, I was up with my never-say-die/I-refuse-to-lose-another-vacation-day attitude, outside ready to de-ice my car. It was at this point that Winter decided to be the worst.
Trying to get into my frozen car the lock got stuck and warped my key…yeah-turns out the shape of a key is important for things such as STARTING YOUR CAR! But more on that later.
So at this point, sitting in my car-sicle I didn’t realize the key was the problem (don’t you judge me, the twist in the key was really subtle, but just bad enough that it wasn’t an exact fit). Sitting in my car with an ignition that wouldn’t budge I got the opportunity to meet the lovely people at the Nissan service department phone-line who took the opportunity to scare the s**t out of me and actually utter the sentence “Wow, I’ve never heard of that and I’ve been doing this for 14 years”…
um, how about you don’t say that to a scared woman with no money. He did, however, offer to have the car towed in and even offered to let me pay for it! What a charmer!!!
Now, you should know that I have this magical ability to fix situations with my stubbornness, and by that I mean I refuse to acknowledge the problem and I call my mommy. Works every time.
It turns out that on days where everything doesn’t go as planned being an adult sucks. And I truly mean that.
So I waited for my mom and Sam (who from here forward will be known as the greatest people in the world) to arrive. Luckily roads were icy and traffic was slow from accidents, which allowed me plenty of time to sit and worry about all the horrible things that COULD be wrong with my car. That helps you know,: running worst case scenarios in your mind. It helps to not only scare you to the point that every other answer brings instant relief…it also helps to take 5 years off of your life.
So the anti-climactic conclusion of our saga: my mom brought my spare key and after the shallowest but most heartfelt prayer ever, I used the spare key and the car cranked instantly and I could finally breathe again. Oh simple solutions, you are my favorite. Thank God for easy fixes and parents who rescue you!
And since my mom and Sam, aka-best people in the world, had journeyed across the state to Burlington they took me out for Breakfast/Lunch (because though it was breakfast for them, I had been up for 5 hours at this point). But brunch did brighten my day. Not only did I get to eat, I also got to enjoy a show, because directly behind us was a man wearing without a doubt the worst wig in existence, having an angry cell-phone politics debate at the top of his lungs…and his voice was verbatim that of Kermit the Frogs.
Not only that, he had also ordered a second drink for his “guest” who was either invisible or…no, that is the only option. I got to watch him have this Norman Bates type breakfast and it did cheer me up because as I watched his breakfast-of-crazy unfold I though to myself “huh, I guess things really could be worse”.
So that was my morning. At this point I had already called work to let them know I probably wouldn’t be coming, I had been outside in the freezing cold for several hours trying to crank the car like an obsessed-crazy woman (for which I am still shivering), and my mascara had run a foot down my cheek from snow and relief-tears. So I took a sick day…and my sweat pants + an Office marathon are making everything better.
So because this day has been so spectacularly bad and stressful I thought I would tell a story to brighten everybody’s dashed spirits. Let’s do this thing!
“Once upon a time there was a princess. She awoke all bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready to seize the day, but unfortunately that was not to be. An evil witch named Nissan teamed up with the monster Winter-Storm-Titan to ruin the princess’ day. They sent a frost to ruin her pumpkin-coach, leaving her stranded in the wilderness of the Burlington. Luckily her fairy godmother and godfather had a 4wheel drive and they rushed to the princesses aid, bringing with them a magical new key which brought the pumpkin-coach back to life. And there was celebrating throughout the land, for the awful Nissan support desk and that horrible Titan were banished for being the worst…and they lived happily ever after.”
Suck it Tuesday, we will try this again tomorrow.