Something magical happened last night at DPAC. I had the opportunity to watch a stage full of Mormons dance for my entertainment. Jealous?
Sound like a hate crime, right? Well it wasn’t, it is a Tony award winning musical and it is the greatest thing that has happened to Broadway ever in the history of ever. For those of you who think that statement might be an over-exaggeration, I would say stop being jealous that you couldn’t get tickets.
You couldn’t get tickets because apparently all the elderly people in the Raleigh/Durham area are season ticket holders…that is the only explanation I can produce based on the massive numbers of people there to see a show this incredibly inappropriate. Cheers to you my early-bird-special friends, most of you saw it through to the end. It was my goal to see someone storm out in angry, offended rage and I think I got my wish. She left after the second song and I never saw her come back.
The highlights of the show?
1) Jesus speaking in the same voice as Cartman and wearing a light up robe like TRON
2) The entire song “Turn it Off” about bottling up unpleasant emotions so you always have a happy Mormon disposition. Best line of the song: “You didn’t pretend hard enough—Imagine that your brain is made of tiny boxes—And find the box that’s gay and CRUSH IT!-okay”
3) Best line, without doubt- “I can’t believe Jesus just called me a dick!”
4) Seeing Hitler, Jeffrey Dahmer and Johnny Cochran dancing on stage with the devil
5) Everyone in the play is wearing the same short sleeved shirt and black pants
6) Someone gets shot in the face…now I’m assuming this is in the show in other cities too, not just in Durham? Can somebody confirm that?
7) The doorbell is used as a musical instrument
8) Another great line: “Africa is nothing like the Lion King”
9) In the spooky Mormon hell dream there are dancing cups of Starbucks coffee because Coffee is a Mormon no-no
10) Darth Vader appeared in 2 separate scenes
Here is a video for those who couldn’t be there, you poor slobs. You need to actually watch this video (I’m looking at you mother…I know you’re skipping the videos)
I went with my dear friend Jacki. She was raised Catholic and I’m Baptist…and we loved every second of this show!
My only complaint is that there were no sister-wives in the musical. I was REALLY looking forward to an intimate, romantic ballad shared between a man and 5 women. (verbal copyright-if somebody makes that song and /or musical I want 15% for coming up with the idea)
And so, in conclusion, please enjoy this last video as a way for me to gloat that I actually got to see it and make you sad that every show was sold out and you missed out. I am deeply sorry for you.