for a rainy day

Your DVR Can’t Handle The 90s

Friends, you don’t know it but the golden age of children’s TV programming is over and we lived in it. The late 80s-90s were just a wonderland of amazing shows. But here is the thing: when you try to describe them to people unlucky enough to be born later, or those who lived through it but were overly sheltered and missed out on those shows you will sound like a certified crazy person! Don’t believe me? Think of your favorite growing up…now describe it to somebody.

…I told you…

And it’s true of all of the most amazing shows we used to love. I’m about to prove my point, but first a word to those people reading this who may have been born too late and therefore had to grow up watching an animated sponge…what you are about to learn about here are the most treasured shows of a generation. Netflix and google what you can, for these are the treasures that have made us the lovely, snarky, jadedly-optimistic bunch of smart asses that we are. And yes, we know that the shows sound insane.  Don’t judge-

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I did some of the brainstorming here with my sister, because she and I were TV connoisseurs throughout this golden age of programming. Our palettes: they were refined. Anyways, she had the genius idea to make this post a game. So here you go: I will describe a show and you see if you can guess what it is. The answer will be right below in red. Don’t cheat…because I’ll know if you do.

Again, description followed by show title. Enjoy!

1-

2 mice living together. One is a bit dull and shiningly-obliviously happy, while the other is bent on world domination and becoming the supreme ruler of the world…

Pinky and the Brain

2-

Magical stuffed animals that can shoot beams of happiness (or something, still not totally clear) out of their stomaches…

Carebears

***side note: I was Funshine Bear this year for Halloween…that is how good this show was!***

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3-

A game where you compete against others in a foam maze and are attacked by fake Mayans…

Legends of the Hidden Temple

4-

A superhero made out of ice and grass, wearing a speedo and a halter top, who assembles a group of 4 heavily stereotyped (moderately racistly created) teens from around the world who fight pollution and encourage recycling…

Captain Planet

***side note about that one, does it bother anyone else that the kid from South America has a monkey? Come on America the North, the kid has a pet monkey who lives on his shoulder? And on top of that all the other kids had actual powers (wind, fire, water, earth) and Fez got Heart?

fez_I_love_you

5-

A tribe of little blue men live in the woods with one female. They don’t understand language so they just say their name a lot…

Smurfs

6-

An alien who looks like a German Shepherd mixed with a pine cone lives with a family and eats cats…

Alf

7-

A group of children and a middle aged woman use a magical vehicle to shrink themselves, travel through time and do other school funded adventures…

The Magic School Bus

8-

Lassie mixed with Reading Rainbow…

Wishbone

***did that just blow your mind? Take a moment to let the realization set in with Troy***

9-

The original reality TV show, where kids are given the skills to later have personality disorders and/or crippling egos and social issues…

Mickey Mouse Club

…too soon?…

10-

Two cats who love a log…

Ren and Stimpy

***full disclosure, I’m not confident that any of that is right. My mom wouldn’t let us watch that show because it was disgusting. We rebelliously watched it once and I’m happy to report she was right. Never watched it again. Were they cats or gerbils? They were so ugly.

11-

A home commune where a family that’s huge but non-Mormon lives and nobody is allowed to ever move out…

Full House

12-

A ghost that haunts a group of children and writes strange but helpfully educational messages…

Ghostwriter

13-

A young hipster gets tormented because he was before the trend…

Family Matters

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14-

Singing hippie puppet creatures live together in an underground tunnel commune where they learn lessons about friendship and hide from a dog and an old man…

Fraggle Rock

15-

A girl is exposed to radioactivity which makes her glow and melt: medical attention is not sought…

The Secret World of Alex Mack

16-

A house filled with children and a man living in the driveway in a windowless van…

Step by Step

17-

A little boy with an overactive imagination and a mom with the coolest accent ever…

Bobby’s World

Seriously, his mom had the COOLEST ACCENT! Listen to it:

18-

A group of babys who are poorly supervised prove the flaws in all childproofing techniques, go on adventures, and magically never get injured or older…

Rugrats

19-

A teenage girl gives the world tips on how to live, all the while a boy sneaks into her room by a ladder with no objections from her parents…

Clarissa Explains it All

20-

A group of teenagers become Asian-style ninja superheroes…

Power Rangers

21-

Precursor for Girls Gone Wild…

Wild and Crazy Kids 

22-

A japanese style gameshow where children answer questions and if they get one wrong they are punished by having green slime dumped onto them…

What Would You Do?

23-

A bear who can fly a plane…

Tale Spin

24-

A high school where only beautiful people are allowed to attend, controlled by one student who can stop time by saying “time out”…

Saved by the Bell

25-

A group of mutantly huge animals who coexist with people…

Sesame Street

26-

A teenager moonlights as a superhero who doesn’t know how to properly get dressed…

Doug (aka-Quail Man)

***another side note, why is Skeeter radioactive green?

27-

A series of stories meant to traumatize children into never trusting the world around them…

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

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28-

A group of almost-teenage girls who build a corporate empire/childcare monopoly in their hometown…

Baby Sitters Club

29-

A man lives with two women and a child (again, not Mormon/sister wives)…

Hanging with Mr. Cooper

30-

Creatures with a pouch built into their bodies in which they can hide…

Popples

***to this day I still have one of these toys. My sister and I share joint custody as we cannot agree on who the original owner is***

31-

A castle filled with puppets and sorcerers in training, and Magellan the wizard…

Eureka’s Castle

32-

A group of mice and a house fly embark on rescue missions…

Rescue Rangers

33-

A group of people/aliens who fight to bring color to the world against their nemesis, shadow…

Rainbow Brite

34-

An extended family of dinosaurs who all live together, and a baby dinosaur who grows a horn when he eats sugar…

Dinosaurs

***that show was amazing!!! Somebody please find me a link to where I can watch it again***

35-

People/creatures animated from fruit flavored desserts…

Strawberry Shortcake

36-

A caped duck who fights crime…

Darkwing Duck

***side note: when I typed “duck” my autocorrect changed it to “douche”, which (A) made that title funnier, (B) created what would be a great new cartoon, and (C) taught me that I might use that word too much if my autocorrect now assumes it is one of my standard go to words***

37-

A cyborg who investigates crime with a child and a dog…

Inspector Gadget

38-

A series of challenges followed by a scramble up a mountain made out of scrap metal and foam…

GUTS/Global GUTS

THE END

How did you do?

So yes, ours was the chosen generation of childhood viewing. This list didn’t even include other staples like Boy Meets World, All That, Hey Dude, Salute Your Shorts, Double Dare, Adventures of Pete & Pete, Kids INC, and so so so so so many others!!! That being said, whenever you try to explain the majesty of these shows you are going to sound like a crazy person because the premise of these shows are whacked out. That creativity, combined with the fact that there were no DVD players in our cars growing up, is why we all have these things called IMAGINATION.

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Cheers to you children of the 90s!

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This entry was published on January 29, 2014 at 5:42 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

One thought on “Your DVR Can’t Handle The 90s

  1. Pingback: Best Of… | ...for a rainy day...

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