It’s Christmas time. Hope you’ve already done your shopping because from here on it’ll be a gamble as to whether or not Amazon can ship in time.
So I am ridiculously in the Christmas spirit because, well, because the chromosome that controls enthusiasm is misfiring and I am on holiday-overload. Join me in the madness! As an outlet I am going to tell you another story. Based on your like of the previous SVU post (read here ) and a demand made from my sister to write a Christmas themed story, I am going to do another story Mash-Up, this time with all of my favorite Christmas movies.
Please play this song as we proceed.
And thusly we begin…
It was a cold Christmas Eve and the Griswolds were out for a last minute shopping trip. They did all there shopping early but had to start over when a freak accident ruined all the presents.
So they journeyed out to the mall late on the 24th to fight crowds and buy the last few items left on the shelf.
Suddenly, the lights in the mall flicker and gunshots are heard.
Oh no, the Russians have hijacked the mall!!!
(Because yes, no matter what you say Die Hard is a Christmas movie). The Griswold’s, now hostages, just can’t catch a break. They are being held with the Peanuts crew, who was at the mall because they love commercialism.
If only little Ralphie’s parents had allowed him to have a Red Rider BB Gun, then he could have gotten us out of this jam.
Steve Martin tries to negotiate with the terrorists, because he is a trained member of Lifesavers.(***most of you won’t get that reference because you’ve never seen Mixed Nuts. You need to see it stat! That’s it, let’s resume our tale***)
John McClane, in the mall buying last minute gifts, begins his standard yearly-terrorist Christmas tradition of thwarting bad guys.
The Grinch, sick of all the merriment, has joined forces with the Russians.
The terrorists, angered by the attempt at negotiation and the man climbing around in the air ducts, kill the mall Santa. Tim Allen then must assumes his place. (Some of you are creeped out because that is morbid, but that is the exact plot of The Santa Clause…you know, the children’s movie! Somehow we always gloss over that whenever we watch it. But make no mistake, that movie kills Santa).
Charlie Brown was heartbroken by the loss of Santa, so Linus comes out to calm the nerves and remind us what Christmas is really all about.
(go restart the music if you had to stop it to watch that video)
The speech touches the Grinch, causing his heart to grow 3 sizes.
With his change of heart the Grinch can no longer work with the terrorists, so he switches sides and teams up with John McClane. Together they take back the mall.
The Russians are defeated with Christmas cheer, banished to the creepy Polar Express train. (You people who like that movie can go ahead and be offended but I stand by that; that movie is creepy, those characters are too life-like but they have dead eyes)
But never the less, the Russian terrorists are thwarted just in time for Christmas Eve. It’s a Christmas miracle!!!
Just in time for the big Christmas Play-
And that is the story of how John McClane once again saved Christmas. The End!
Merry Christmas friends!!!
Have fun with your family–make good choices–never go to the mall on Christmas Eve.