I am what is known as a borderline nerd. I say “borderline” because there is a balance. I love Star Wars but I don’t like Star Trek. I enjoy superhero movies but I’m not learning karate. I enjoy geeking out but I’ve never played Dungeons and Dragons. Borderline.
My brother, Sean, is 10 years older than me so I grew up watching movies with him. That is where my love of “boy” movies came from. Indiana Jones and Star Wars were viewed on a constant loop in our home. Sometimes these movies were even watched from his Star Wars tent, just to bump up the nerd factor a little higher. And every moment of it was fantastic.
It was from my brother that I learned my awed respect for superheroes. Now, my brother was an avid Superman fan where I am more of a Batman purist.
I always loved Batman, but then Christopher Nolan came along and changed the franchise turning my love in to a legit obsession.
I’ve seen The Dark Knight Rises over 10 times. That’s all I’ll say about that.
And I think we all wept with joy when The Avengers ended up being a great movie, because whether you want to admit it or not we were all worried that movie was going to be a wreck. It was just SOOOO big, with that many characters and huge celebrities. Then it came out and it was amazing and America breathed a sigh of relief. Not only was it a great movie, but they did the impossible and actually produced a good Hulk movie. Turns out it can be done.
So keeping with my love of The Avengers, the new THOR just came out. And even though the first one was pretty bad I eagerly bought a ticket for the new one. Well, I say the first Thor was bad but that may not be fair. I had no idea what the story line was so I walked in to that movie blind and it was super weird. It was also the first Natalie Portman movie I watched where I really thought “wow, she’s not good at this”. I’m just saying, how do you not have chemistry with this beautiful gift from the Lord:
But the previews for Thor 2 looked good and I will watch almost any super hero movie.
It should also be noted that I named my car THOR. My name is Tracy and I name inanimate objects. I blame them:
I’ve named every car I’ve ever had. This one is Thor, the one before it was Beau (after Gone With the Wind, not after Dukes of Hazzard), and the first car was Little Cletus.
Did I have a point…?
So I was down with a miserable 2-day migraine all weekend, only getting up long enough to crawl to the theater, watch Thor, then go home and collapse back in bed. My head magically weighed 2 tons, which left the rest of my body temporarily paralyzed under my snuggliest blanket. This mandatory bed rest afforded me plenty of time to watch Netflix and contemplate the deep philosophical conundrums of our time. Chief among these issues key to mankind: If I could have any super power in the world, what would it be?
There are a lot of super powers and they are vastly different. So if I could have any super power in the world what would it be? This is the kind of thing that I legitimately think about daily…it’s why I get very little done. So I went over all the possibilities in my mind and it honestly wasn’t even close. If I could have any super power in the world it would be to have theme music that plays during my daily life. It would play when I do everything and it would change with my mood. Think about it: there would be a soundtrack to my life.
Yes, I know there are a lot of much more useful powers, but they just seem like a lot of hassle. You know I’ll explain:
Reading Minds——-I don’t even want to hear all of the things that you consciously choose to vocalize, let alone the things that you choose to filter out. I imagine being able to read your mind would really just be like reading your facebook posts…not a lot getting filtered out there my friends.
Flying——–I have no sense of direction so flying would just be embarrassing.
X-ray vision——–uuummmm, doors close for a reason…
Super Strength——–I feel like this would just be exploited a lot. Every time someone moves I would be getting a call to come carry boxes. I don’t have time for that, my couch isn’t going to sit on itself.
Seeing the Future——-I’m commitment-phobic so this would just freak me out. Plus there isn’t really a need for this power anymore as the ability to read the future has already been mastered…
There are plenty of other powers, but I believe the down side of those powers were pretty much covered in Carrie. That chick could move things with her mind and it did not end well for anybody.
But theme music, that would be superb!
And then of course there is the nemesis. Every superhero has to have a nemesis, otherwise you’re just a crazy running around in a cape. That’s what insane asylums are really for, superheroes who just don’t have a nemesis. So what would be a good nemesis for a hero with a power such as mine? That’s easy: the rival of a hero with persistent theme music is the preacher from the tiny town in Footloose.
Either him or Time Warner Cable. TWC, a villain to us all. Preying on the weak and internet-needy and then ruining their lives with crappy service and ever changing rates. Time Warner Cable: where everyone is having a bad day.
The nemesis is tricky. Apparently they have to be based on something ridiculously non-threatening (Penguin, Joker, Riddler, etc), but then twisted enough that we believe they could be dangerous. I’ll use Thor as an example since that’s what I’m currently watching. The bad guy in the first movie is the Frost Giants. Through the whole movie I just imagined Jack Frost
Then the bad guys in the second movie were the Dark Elves. This one was really fun for me while watching because it made me imagine Legolas and Buddy the Elf, but with dark goth makeup=Dark Elves.
Lex Luther, now him I approve of. I totally believe that money turns people evil. Isn’t that like a mathematical certainty? Like the increase of money correlates proportionally to the increase of evil?
But alas, I am not a superhero. Apparently it’s hard to be a female superhero. You have to be born an Amazon.
That’s your only real option—you’re either Wonder Woman or you’re a damsel in distress. Now the Damsel in Distress, that I’ve got totally mastered.
This is the sort of thing I think about.
This post has no real, valid point. This is just the sort of thing that I think about while laying in bed sick, popping ibuprofen and watching Superhero movies. It also allows me an outlet to use the gifs I looked up while watching hours of Marvel.
for a rainy day 