You know how sometimes you have those days and weeks that are crazy busy and you have so much to do but you can’t manage to get anything done, and then you finally find a free moment, but the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is streaming on Netflix and that outweighs everything you could possibly be doing, so you watch 6 episodes and it’s perfect—
then you wake up the next morning when you didn’t even mean to sleep (because who has time to sleep, am I right?)
and so you rush back to work and all the stuff you didn’t want to do yesterday is still waiting on your desk for some reason, so you ignore it again and go make coffee and small talk, but then you have to put on your adult panties and do your work because you like this job…
so you make it through the workday and you get in your car, but the gas light is on, and that pisses you off because honest to Gosh and his son Jeepers (Kimmy Schmidt!), I just made a car payment today and how much money can I put into this damn car today? I’m not made of money, Nissan!
and then you get to the gas station but each pump has an Oldsmobile parked at it with an elderly lady squinting at the kiosk like she’s never seen a gas pump before—
so after an hour of watching them struggle and call people “sugar” you get gas and head home, but the fast lane on the highway is crawling because one Dudley-Do-Right at the front of the lane has decided to teach us all a lesson about responsible citizenship and the privilege of driving, and you’re in the back of the line screaming “I swear to God I am one disastrous incident or annoying interaction away from becoming a super-villain!”, but then you realize that you’re not supposed to say that stuff out loud…so you pretend that you don’t have totally logical but socially inappropriate thoughts like that, because after all you are a well adjusted adult as far as anybody can prove…
but then you remember that you forgot to do laundry and that bill was due yesterday and for a moment you seriously wonder if running away with the circus is still a thing that can be reasonably pulled off, and if so would you even be able to run alongside the train and hoist yourself in like they do in the movies, and then you think “well I probably could if I had gone to the gym yesterday”, and then you remember that –DAMNIT– you were supposed to go to the gym after work and you forgot and that makes 8……………………years–
and so you just decide to take a bath with your life partners Ben and Jerry…Have you ever had those days?